I felt stuck, isolated and scared

I used to be deathly afraid of food. I know that sounds very strange to many people, but for me this was an everyday battle. For most people, food is fuel. Food can be an experience, part of a celebration, it can taste good, it can taste savory, it can be hot and cold. It can be something most people do without thinking. Just eat when you’re hungry or when your body is craving something.

This was not my life. Food was the enemy. Food was anxiety, a way to control, to cope, to distract. It was very unhealthy. At 20 years old and a full-time college student, I was in Pathways.  My life was looking great. I was accomplishing things, moving forward. I had a chance. I didn’t believe in this chance, though. I didn’t know how to release the need to control. I felt stuck, isolated and scared.

My mentor told me to ask for help when I needed it. It took a few months, but finally I opened my mouth and asked for help.

Though it was a painful process and very uncomfortable, my Pathways team met me where I was and got me the help I needed. I was held accountable with my recovery and that accountability propelled me into the mindset that recovery is possible and attainable for me. It has been a year since I asked for help. This time last year I was struggling in all of my classes. This semester I’m finishing with 3 As and a C. Without my team, I could not be the healthy person that I am today. I never thought I could be truly capable of life without my eating disorder. I can’t wait to see how I continue to grow more and more as a person in the future.