I started drinking and using at a young age. In high school I did just enough to maintain my full ride scholarship to play soccer. Three months before my high school graduation, my scholarship was revoked due to my 10 underage drinking tickets.
The delusion of my drinking, and lack of care for my future, meant I was happy that it happened before I started playing and going to school instead of afterwards. I started managing a bar; I had no grasp on future plans or interest in anything besides having this job that allowed me be the alcoholic I wanted to be.
Ten years later, after getting sober and working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was encouraged to go back to school and apply for pathways. I was still unsure of what I wanted to do but I started taking classes. Through working my AA program I was able to see how my fears held me back. I discovered my passion for plants and horticulture. During this time I was hired, with no real background experience, as a horticulturist at a nursery. Between school and work I learned more and more and became excited for all the opportunities in front of me. My acceptance into Pathways occurred at such a divine place in my journey. I can really see my higher power stepping in and giving me another opportunity, one that I worked hard for, a “scholarship” that I had previously threw away in high school. School had not only helped me find a career path that doesn’t feel like work, but has helped me overcome my deep seeded feelings of stupidity and inadequacy. I care about my future and have more confidence in a bigger life for myself. I no longer need to struggle and I have a family to support me where my real family can’t. I lost my mother and my mentor lost her daughter. We both get to have a different version of what was taken from us.